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4 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life Through Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is key to sex
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, stop criticising yourself. We’ve all heard it multiple times before. Sounding so easy, yet we know that ending the habit of calling ourselves with less than flattering names or blaming ourselves for something is much more difficult.
Social media, society, other people’s expectations, and culturally-rooted expectations live deep in us. In today’s fast-paced world, we are continually influenced by the people around us telling us we should be or behave in a certain way, look a certain way, or do certain things. When you add to the equation 24/7 access to the ”perfect” lives of others through social media and constant comparing of oneself with others, it’s no wonder one no longer feels so great about oneself.
If making ourselves feel bad with never-ending criticism isn’t already enough, this behaviour can actually have an adverse effect on our sex lives as suggested by Dr. Kristin Neff. When we don't practice compassionate behaviour towards ourselves, we are also harming our sex lives. Is it then any wonder that after having beaten oneself down for something, it probably is more difficult to get in the mood between the sheets?
What should one do in order to be more self-compassionate? Often it comes down to each and everyone individually finding out what works and what doesn't work for them. Below are some of our best practices and tips. And yes, we know it's not always easy to practice the preach. ;)
Tips for improving your sex life through self-compassion
Start talking to yourself like you would speak to a friend
Would you be angry, moody or hurtful towards your friend? Neither would we. Forgive yourself: your faults, your shame, your bodily imperfections. Blame is lame. It’s time to start showing yourself some love and appreciation.
Try to get rid of external validation
Does it matter, if somebody thinks you have a big butt, when all you really have is a gorgeous and voluptuous body with curves. If you love yourself for who you are, it doesn't matter what other people think of you. Don’t let other people or the world judge you. Seek validation from within. You were born and made this way: every scar and even a missing limb tell a story. Carry yourself and your history with pride.
Practice mindfulness to get perspective
We are often ”on” and in an overly alert mode: checking social media, reacting to notifications, watching Netflix - all at the same time. Taking a moment to breathe and reconnect with oneself can have a huge impact on how one feels about oneself and the days in general.
Do you
Get rid of the things and expectations that make you feel bad about yourself. If scrolling through the perfect profiles on Instagram doesn’t make you feel good, then why continue? If everyone is going to a spinning class but it simply doesn't excite you, don't do it. Do things that feel good on the inside and that entail intrinsic value. Be you - in all your funny, little, peculiar characteristics and behaviours. Appreciate individuality and get to know yourself.
Finally...
All in all, you will find the answers, when you look closely in the mirror: when you see the real you without any artificial additions, anything excessive, and any externally set barriers or limits.
You know yourself best and if something is making you feel bad, you should probably stop doing it. You don’t need to be anything more than what you already now are - not in the bedroom or outside of it.
By giving yourself some slack and accepting yourself for what and who you are, you will find a more true and meaningful connection with yourself. This is likely to serve well also in the bedroom. You choose what works for you.
