5 tips to overcome sexual shame

Sexual shame more likely to be experienced by women

Sex can be perceived in a bad light, no matter how natural it is. Society has taught us that discussing or engaging in sex should be done quietly, behind closed doors, if at all. So many of us have felt like villains for wanting it. The truth, on the other hand, is completely different from what society has taught us. Sexual desires are not only natural but also beneficial. There's no need to feel embarrassed.

In terms of modernity, we've gone a long way, but there's still very little discussion about sexual shame. Sexual shame is not always gender-specific, although it is more prevalent among women. Men can sleep around with multiple women and flaunt their machismo, but if it's a woman who does it, society is quick to judge her with the worst adjectives. Furthermore, the absence of sex talk just serves to reinforce existing taboos, making individuals embarrassed to be sexual.

What causes sexual shame in the first place?

When we are young children, the root of sexual shame is sown in our minds. Our parents, relatives, society, and culture all send us subtle messages that sex is something to be ashamed of. Growing in a culture that says sex and everything to do with our bodies is wrong has caused most of us to internalise shame. 

One of the most widespread sexual difficulties is a sexual shame, yet it is rarely spoken openly. Because, well, shame.

Sexual shame may be pervasive, altering how we interact with our sexual selves in general. This is especially true for those who grew up in tight, socially conservative circumstances where any discussions about sex, sexual desire, and sexual safety were considered "no-go zones," and for people who grew up in homes where "sexual purity" was a major priority.

Sexual shame may also be particular. Masturbation, our wants and fantasies, our quirks, how we choose to organise our relationships, how our genitals appear, or any number of other areas might be affected.

Shame, on the other hand, isn't something that comes naturally.

It is a skill that is taught. Shame is taught both explicitly (by our caregivers, schools, and religious institutions) and implicitly (by our peers). It encourages us to believe that we are mistaken, that our experiences are unique, and that we should disguise who we are. But we have some good news: we can unlearn shame because it can be taught.

We are going to provide some tips to assist you to start removing shame from your life.

1. Examine the humiliation

Take a close look at the source of your shame. Is it something you inherited from your family? What is your religious background? Who are your friends? Is it anything actually coming from you, or is it something else entirely? The only voice you should pay attention to is the last one. It's the one that informs you what's good for you and what's not.

If your views about sex and shame come from somewhere other than yourself, it's time to consider whether they're serving you well. Don't merely accept other people's and institutions' viewpoints. Inquire about them. Investigate their origins. Then you may pick whether or not you wish to listen.

2. Consider what you truly desire

Are you engaging in the sexual activities that you enjoy? Do you like how they make you feel? Or are you doing these behaviours for a different motive, such as approval, attention, or making someone else happy? When a deep part of us realises we're doing something for less than noble reasons, we might feel ashamed. So, take a good look at yourself and ask yourself what your motivations are. If you're making sexual decisions that are truly based on what you want, there should be very little room for guilt to come in.

3. Take control of your sex life

While people of any gender might be forced into sexual situations they aren't 100% comfortable with, women are frequently trained to be kind and play along to maintain peace. Men are sometimes indoctrinated that they should always want sex in whatever form. When we give in to such thoughts, however, it's difficult to figure out and ask for what truly excites us. As a result, everyone's sex life will be less fulfilling. You'll own your sex life in a big way if you commit to making deliberate decisions about your sex life—about the sexual actions you're performing and why you're doing them. And why would you be ashamed of your decisions if you own them?

4. Investigate fresh information

Misinformation is frequently the source of sexual shame. People with vaginal sex, for example, may have been taught that their worth as a person is diminished if they have vaginal sex.

That, however, is not the case.

Counterbalancing shame's messaging is one of the most effective ways to mitigate its consequences on your life. Find sexuality education tools that teach about sexuality without criticising your actions or desires.

5. Remind yourself that you are not deserving of shame

You don't deserve to feel shame, no matter what your shame voice tells you.

Unlike guilt, which might help us recognise when we've done something wrong, shame's sole purpose is to make us feel completely awful or unlovable. Some things to keep in mind:

You are not a licked lollipop, a chewed-up piece of gum, or a piece of linty tape.

Your desires are not unique to you.

Desire isn't a bad thing.

Your body was created for you to experience in a consensual, pleasurable, and exploring way. Your physique is not too large, little, uneven, floppy, curved, or anything else.

Make sure to give yourself time, tolerance, and plenty of acceptance as you begin to overcome your sexual shame. It's fine if you need further help from a therapist or a support group. You are deserving of it. But, because a shame-free sex life is the best sex life, we hope this helps you figure out where your sentiments are coming from—and how to get past them. Isn't it true that we all deserve it?